Chief?
- I'm going out for dinner. - What?
I'm going out for dinner. Interested?
Yes, that's interesting.
Okay...
COMMISSIONER BURON
No, I can't this Saturday. I have to visit my parents.
Did you know that they're deaf? No, both of them. Completely deaf.
With a notebook. If I have something to say to them, I'll write a note.
It's a nightmare. It's a no for Saturday. Sunday is perfect.
Ah crap, you can't... Monday, I'm busy too.
Tuesday! Tuesday seems good... Wait a minute, I have another call.
Yes, what is it? I'm busy. No, no, no, I'm in the middle of an interrogation.
I don't know. Ask Champolin. I don't know, sorry.
I can't help. Figure it out yourself. I can't help, sorry.
Sorry Michel. I was wrong about Tuesday...
Excuse me...?
I have a dentist appointment. Wait, sorry... What do you want?
I don't mean to interrupt but I'm really hungry. I feel dizzy.
Do you know when we'll finish the interrogation?
So I can go to a restaurant later?
What about Wednesday?
Oh, come on. Can you cancel it?
Thursday? Let me take a look. Thursday seems really tight for me.
It will be very difficult to... - What now? Is it good?
Sure, but I was thinking more than a snack. Like a real dinner. More substantial.
Thursday, I can't. It's too tight. And next week, it's gonna be the same.
The whole next week, I'm busy. Sunday was perfect for me.
- Let's forget it. - Ask about Friday.
- What? - I said you should ask about Friday.
And Friday? Perfect! Great, great. Let's do that.
Why didn't we think of that before? Ok, Friday at 3:00 p.m. Say Hi to Nadine. Bye.
You were listening.
No, it's just because I'm here. I can hear it...
- But I didn't know what it was about. - No. So, where were we?
It's too late to go for dinner, right?
Oh yes, tonight is going to be a long night.
Yeah, I'm tired of this shit too, Fugain. I don't do this for pleasure, okay?
Blah, blah, blah... I quote:
"And it was at this moment that I saw the body of Mister Chevalet."
"Then, I searched his pockets and found his I.D. Then I called the police."
"After that, I went back to my apartment."
Yes, that's what happened. I have nothing to add.
Yeah, but something bothers me. It's the chronology of the events:
First, you search for his wallet. Then you call the police.
It's not logical. Give me more details.
Logic... I don't know. It seems obvious.
I was in shock after seeing a dead body for the first time ever.
So I acted in the wrong order.
I should have called the cops first. And searched for his I.D. later, but I...
Yeah, yeah. Okay. "I was probably in shock..."
"...of seeing a dead body..."
"...comma, So I acted in an irrational way."
Yes, that's it.
But how could you know that Chevalet was dead
if you've never seen a dead body before?
Well, I see lots of living people. So I was able to make a comparison.
No, be serious please. So we can finish early, okay?
How did you know that he was dead?
There was blood all around him. Like in a police novel, when someone is killed.
It was the same here. So I didn't think he was sleeping.
He looked like a dead body to me.
- So you have seen a dead body before, hm? - Only in books. Never in real life.
"The body..."
"...was surrounded by blood..."
"But in reality, I've never even seen a real dead body..."
"...in my entire life,"
"except in books."
This summary is kind of lame, when you write it like that.
No, I don't think so.
So... about your neighbor's testimony.
- Oh no... Again?! - Yes, again. It's an investigation.
Shit... Excuse me, I have an important meeting
with my family, I nearly forgot about it.
Philippe!
Philippe?
Philippe!
Philippe?
Philippe!
Can we can move the interrogation to tomorrow?
Philippe?
Sir?
I already told you to stop listening to your headphones.
You can't hear others. Come here!
I can't right now. I'm really focused on something else, that's why.
Okay, but come here.
Well, I have to finish this letter first.
I've been working on it for an hour, that's why.
And I hate working on this kind of thing.
So I really need to focus on finishing it, and I'm not
very used to concentrating like this, so that's why.
Just from talking to you, I'm not concentrating as much anymore.
I understand, but come here.
I'll be throwing away one hour of work if I come over there, chief.
More than that, it's a really important document. Champonin told me
to do it. That's why I want to finish it first.
I would've already got up to see you. But I can't
come over until I finish this, that's why.
Okay. What is this letter that demands all your concentration about?
- It's confidential sir, that's why. - Can I see it? I'm curious.
Okay, no problem.
Champonin told me to do it and to not talk about
it. That's why it's confidential, that's why.
Can you stop with your: "that's why" every few seconds? It's irritating me.
Sorry, it's because of my wife. She always says that.
Excuse me, but what happened to your eye?
I'm born like this, that's why.
- Does it hurt? - That's a stupid question.
Are you kidding me? You're writing a cover letter to join the Police.
Well, Champonin told me to do it and to keep my mouth shut, that's why.
It was an order. I can't say no to an order from someone above me.
I thought it was weird too. Why would I write this if I'm already a policeman?
But I didn't ask, because it was an order.
Of course...
If I told you to shoot yourself in the head.
Would you do it because I am your superior?
Depends on the context... If for example I have a deadly contagious disease...
- Then I think I would... - Okay.
Got it. Can you keep an eye on him for 20 minutes?
- Me? - Yes, can you do it? You, for 20 minutes.
So we're not going to move it to tomorrow?
No, we're not going to move it. We will continue tonight, okay?
What do I have to do exactly, sir? What do you mean by "keep an eye"?
Just watch him, to make sure doesn't try to escape.
I just look at him? Okay, that's easy.
- Look at me. Can I trust you? - Yes, understood.
I watch him and I do nothing else, just stay focused.
This is a rational order. And you have to do it.
It has nothing to do with this shitty letter.
Ok, got it. I can see clearly now. I can tell the difference between this and an irrational order.
Well, I'm innocent. So I won't try to escape.
We will continue when I come back!
- Hey son! - Hey dad.
- You're ready for dinner? - No, I already ate with a friend.
- I brought you a hot dog. - Oh, that's nice of you.
So, what's up?
Well, I wanted to kill myself a week ago. But
I was too scared to do it, so I gave up.
I wanted to jump out of a window but I watched a TV show instead.
Now I hate suicide and I want to stay alive. What about you daddy?
- What about you daddy? - Nothing much, just the routine.
Cool.
How long have you been working with the police?
Are you trying to create a friendship with me, so you can escape?
No, I'm just asking a question.
I know I look dumb with my eye, but don't mess with me...
No, I don't think you're an idiot at all. On the contrary.
I don't judge people based on their handicap.
No, I-I just mean people that don't seem intelligent
are sometimes the most intelligent ones.
Yeah, I agree. Good analysis. What was your question?
Nothing, I was just asking how long you've been here. Just making conversation.
I've been here 6 months. I should have been refused
because I fucked up the entrance exam.
But a guy changed my results at the last
minute to help me enter. So I was accepted.
You're lucky! Good for you. Who changed your results?
- My dad, that's why. - Your dad, right.
You know, it's funny, you always say "that's why".
I didn't say it.
- Yeah, just now, two times. - No, I know that I didn't say it.
You think I didn't notice your plans? - Excuse me?
You're trying to make idle conversation. But
you're looking at this protractor. Am I right?
I didn't even see there was a protactor here. Why
would I look at this? It's for mathematics.
Yes, you can make diagrams with it. Of course.
You can also make some 80° angles if you want, that's why.
But you can also use it for another purpose. For example...
- Am I wrong? - I don't get it...
Sorry, but I don't understand.
Well, it would be really useful. Think about it for a second.
If you kill me, then nobody can keep an eye on you. Then you can leave, that's why.
You're crazy. I don't want to kill you. I am innocent!
How can you imagine all this with just a protractor?
You know, you have to think about all
possible situations when you're a cop. That's why.
Like a scanner. Always calculating the environment.
Bam! A sharp protractor. I immediately think about different possible scenarios.
Same for, I don't know... Hot coffee.
...I think "watch out Philippe! This guy could put hot coffee in your eye!"
This big folder...
Okay, I understand the scanner idea. But your ideas don't make sense.
I'm innocent. I won't try to escape, okay? I will not try to kill you.
You're too scared you'll leave fingerprints on the protractor, right?
I know a technique that can erase your fingerprints. Do you want me to explain?
- No! - Let me explain.
This guy told me this story in jail. It's really simple.
You just have to use a lighter and warm up your fingers for a few minutes.
Like burning your skin, but without putting yourself on fire.
I don't want to know about it. And it's horrible!
It doesn't hurt. I tried it and I felt nothing. The skin just gets softer.
It erases the little lines you have here. That's
how you get rid of the finger prints, that's why.
Okay. Let me repeat myself again: I don't commit crimes.
- I don't need to know this technique. - Hey, relax. Relax.
I'm not accusing you for anything. I was just chatting, that's why.
You want to see my police badge?
Yes, totally. Let's change the subject, please.
I am really proud of it! Now that we know each other better, I can show you my badge.
Yes, that's much more interesting.
Don't move. Let me take this. Just in case...
Where did I put it? That's another problem. The badge. The badge. The baaaadge.
Shit, it's not here.
I love my badge so much that I always hide it
so no one can steal it from me, that's why.
- Not here either. - Hey.
Shit, it's not here.
You should tell your boss that I didn't try to kill you. It could convince him.
I know, I moved it somewhere around here last time. There it is!
Ah! I am so fucking proud of it! Let me show it to you.
Are you alright, sir?
Hello?
(whispers) what an idiot. Sir?
Are you okay?
You don't look okay... Sir?
Hey! Holy shit...
Fuck this...
Fuck this shit...
- Sir, can I talk to you for a minute? - What?
It's about the Tourcher-gate, The body found in parts in a cement mixer.
No, not now, I am busy. I'm working on another case.
Just look at this picture. I need your opinion on it.
Ask Champonin. Why are you asking me?
He doesn't have the same perspective as you.
You're right. Okay, let me take a look quickly.
Thank you.
A picture of a wall. A beautiful picture of a beautiful wall.
- Yes, it's a wall. - What about this?
Interesting... Something in front of a wall.
I don't know...
- It's a toe. - What?
- I would say it's a little penis. - It's a toe. We analysed it.
- Why are you asking if you analysed it? - Let me explain!
The wall was built the night before the murder, 20 km away from the murder.
- And? - You're kidding, right?
- No. What does it mean? - It's evidence!
No, it's not. You're showing me a picture of
a wall with a toe that looks like a penis.
Stupid bitch!
It's going to be a long night. It's going to be a long night, Fugain.
I don't sleep a lot. It irritates me sometimes.
Maybe we can move the interrogation to tomorrow?
It's getting late, you're tired. You asked some questions that weren't really relevant.
No, nobody is waiting for me at home anyway. If I stay
here, it will be the same. I'm ready to listen to you now.
Can I go pee first?
What an idiot! Shit, shit, shit...
Fucking idiot with his missing eye.
- Hey sir, do you want an oyster? - An oyster? To eat?
Yeah, an oyster. I was at a restaurant, I ordered 12, and they gave me 13 oysters.
- I don't want to throw it away. - Yes, you're right. Well, thank you.
We're going to the theatre to watch "King Kong". You wanna come?
No, I don't like Chinese films. I have lots of work to do first.
Okay, I won't insist then...
- Thanks! - See ya!
I'm ready.
So, let's continue where we stopped. Where were we?
You wanted to talk about my neighbor's testimony and I said "again?"
That's correct. According to your neighbor's testimony, Miss Lustri.
- Lustrain. Carine Lustrain. - Yes, sorry.
She said she saw you going in and out of your house
exactly seven times between midnight and 5 a.m.
Can you explain?
She always watches whatever's happening on our floor. She's a bit... crazy.
At any sound, she opens the door. When the elevator arrives, she opens the door.
For any sound... Excuse me, it's kind of surprising but
there's smoke coming out of your body. Is it normal?
Yes, I have a hole. Stay focused.
- A hole? I don't understand... - I have a hole in my chest.
- It's gross! - No, I don't really suffer...
Continue! You leave your room SEVEN times. That's a lot, Fugain.
- Explain, I'm trying to understand... - Yes, I have nothing to hide.
First time was around midnight. My wife screamed
because there was a cockroach in the kitchen.
- So she asked me to go buy insecticide. - Size of the cockroach?
- I don't know... - According to your wife's reaction,
Little, medium, big?
I don't know... Little. She said: "Honey, there
is a cockroach in the kitchen, kill it now!"
Is the size of the cockroach really important?
I say what's important for the investigation, Fugain.
- So you bought insecticide? - Yes.
First time, I left too quickly. So I forgot my wallet.
It happens.
Good evening.
I noticed I forgot it before leaving the building.
So I went back to my apartment.
So that's the first round trip, right?
Fugain?
That's the first round trip, right?
Yes, for nothing, because I forgot my wallet.
- I prefer "back and forth". - Why?
You said that my neighbor saw me doing seven "back and forth".
We should continue with this as a measurement. Or we'll get lost in the story.
No, I prefer round trip.
I took my wallet and I went straight to the elevator.
What was your wife doing during this time?
Watching TV.
At the grocery store, I don't know why, but I wanted to buy chips.
And because I couldn't find real insecticide, I
bought mosquito spray. It cost me around 10 bucks.
Okay. Did you wander the streets or did you go back to your apartment?
I went back home. I don't like wandering around and I had to kill the cockroach.
- Continue! - I'm leaving, I finished for the day.
You're lucky. I'm just at the beginning. See you tomorrow!
No, I'm pregnant, that's why.
Pregnant?!
I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, that's why.
Holy shit... He said nothing about it! This is crazy!
We wanted to keep it a surprise, that's why.
But I don't like to keep secrets, that's why.
- Where is he? Can I kiss him? - Sure.
Where is he?
- Your coworker with one...? - Yes, Philippe.
- He's my husband, that's why. - Okay. He was watching me.
Very well, he was doing a great job. We talked a bit. Nice guy.
- Congratulations on the kid! - We don't care. Where is he?
Well, he was feeling very sick.
Like pain in the stomach.
- Shit, I think it was the sushi. - Yes, exactly. He was saying:
- "Must be the sushi, that's why." - It's my fault.
The sushi place next to here? I never get food poisoning with them.
No I made sushi myself, that's why.
Oh, shit.
I created them with my own recipe based on one on the Internet, that's why.
- So? - He left. He left really fast.
I couldn't ask him where. I don't know where he went.
He must be home, that's why. I am going, that's why. Thanks!
Am I crazy or is everybody in this building saying "that's why" every few seconds?
- No, I noticed too. - Where does it come from?
- Must be a trend... - A trend? Well, it's irritating.
It doesn't mean anything. "that's why, that's why..."
So, you got back home with your purchases.
Yes, I went back with my groceries.
My wife was sleeping with the TV on. The show was
interesting so I watched it while eating chips.
- Does she do that a lot? - Yes, almost every night.
Usually, I move her to the bed, but this time I wanted to eat some chips.
Hey, look what you did. Are you proud of it?
Excuse me? That's your fault, you fell like an idiot!
It's your fault. I wanted to show you my badge. That's why!
I don't give a fuck about your damn badge!
If I was alone in that office, I wouldn't have shown you my
badge. So it's your fault that I died! You'll pay for this!
- I won't pay for anything! - Who are you talking to?
Nobody, sweetie. The TV is talking by itself.
It's weird. I'll call the repairman tomorrow.
Go back to sleep.
Then, I sprayed bug spray everywhere in the kitchen. I thought
that it would be clever to spray more to kill the cockroach.
Seems legit. What time was it?
I don't know. Maybe 1 hour after I bought the chips. I don't remember.
- Then? - The spray was stuck. I don't know why.
- What do you mean? - I couldn't stop it.
- The nozzle was stuck. - Okay.
I opened the windows to aerate the room.
And I accidentally pushed a plant pot over.
- And it fell 5 floors below. - What a boring story!
- Why? - You just talk about shitty boring stuff.
The plant pot, the TV, the cockroach, your wife sleeping...
- the insecticide, the chips... - But I'm telling you the truth.
You want me to lie so the story gets more interesting?
No, of course not.
But I've never felt so bored in an interrogation as I do in this one.
- Continue. - Okay, that's not a nice thing to say.
- I'm just telling you the truth. - Yes, chill, Fuguain.
- I'm not mad. - Yes, you are.
You shouldn't be ashamed of your life. Now, continue.
I went out to clean the broken plant pot.
With a dustpan and a hand brush, I suppose?
Yes, sorry if these are normal objects.
But there aren't any other objects to clean a broken plant pot up with.
You're wrong.
There are some little vacuums... Okay, continue please.
It's not important.
How long will I be stuck in the cupboard?
Philippe! No one cares, you're dead.
- I care, that's why. - It's not interesting.
- So, it's two round trips. - No, three.
Yes, you're right. Sorry. I am a bit tired, that's
why. So I can't follow your story sometimes.
I can't stay focused with my tiredness and your shitty, boring story.
That's why I need to drink something. It's time for a coffee, that's why.
- You just said "that's why" 3 times in a row. - Yes, I heard. Coffee? No?
- Can I get out of my chair? - Sure.
Hey Guy, can you bring me some coffee please? I'm in the middle of an interrogation.
Yeah, I know.
Philippe isn't here, he is sick.
After 8 p.m. I normally expect to talk to Muriel. Can you bring me some coffee please?
Okay, forget it.
So you did two round trips, right?
- No, three. I said earlier it was three. - Three out of seven.
Let me guess. You forgot the broom and the brush?
Not at all.
- I went back to put my wife in bed. - What time was it?
I don't remember. Maybe an hour and a half after I bought the insecticide.
I don't know.
Continue.
So after I put my wife in bed, I went outside to breathe.
To breathe?
Because of the insecticide. I was feeling dizzy.
So I went outside to breathe some fresh air.
Just so you know, nobody really says "breathe some fresh air“ in that situation.
You say that when you climb a mountain or when you go to the beach for example.
I wouldn't try to climb a mountain in the middle of the
night. I just went outside to breathe some fresh air.
No! You went out because of the insecticide. You just went out to breathe.
That's what I said. I went out to breathe.
There is something else that bothers me. You
said you don't like to wander the street.
- But that's what you're doing now! - I went out to breathe, not to wander.
Okay. So that's when you saw Chevalet's dead body?
No, not yet.
I remember that the street was really calm. There was some noise far away.
I assumed it was a party in an apartment.
There was steam coming out of my mouth because it was
cold outside. So I was smoking fake cigarettes.
- Why? - Because it's funny.
- You don't do that? - Yes, when I was 2 and a half.
Well I'm not ashamed, I'll continue.
I never said you should be ashamed. Why should you be, Fugain?
Excuse me, can I borrow a cigarette?
A cigarette?
- You're the one eye guy's wife, right? - You know Philippe?
- Yes, he's my husband. How did you know? - Well, yeah I know him.
Um... I know him, but not yet. Just forget it. You'll never understand.
If you explain to me, I might understand.
I will meet your husband in the future.
Not really in the future but... How can I explain it?
You will meet my husband in the future. So far, I understand.
Yes, but no. Because it's not really in the future.
We are in the past but not really. We're in my memories.
And I will meet him in a pretty bad situation...
Really? How?
So, in what kind of bad situation will you meet my husband? Tell me.
How can I explain... Well, I am accused of murder. Not right now.
But in 3 days. That's when I will meet your husband.
You could come say hi! I work at the police too, that's why.
Yeah, we will meet too.
Who did you kill?
Nobody. I just found a dead guy in the street.
Well, later tonight, I will find someone with blood all around them.
Since I will be the first to call the cops, I will be the main suspect.
Don't call the cops then, so you won't be suspected.
Yes, good idea.
But it already happened, and I can't change the past.
I don't understand...
You say that it will be in the future. Then it already happened. It's complicated!
Fugain!
- You were absent. - Yes, sorry for that.
You were saying that you were fake smoking.
Yes, right. I was fake smoking.
There was nobody in the streets, so I came
back home because my breasts were freezing.
Sorry to interrupt again. But you made a mistake.
Only women have breasts.
- You meant your balls were freezing. - No, my breasts were really freezing.
Around here. That's what I meant.
- My testicles were ok. - Okay.
- We're now at four round trips? - Yes, four.
"After fake smoking in the streets, ..."
"...I came back home. I... Came... Back... Home..."
"...Because my breasts were cold."
"Breasts... Were... Cold..."
Fugain...
The more I look at you, the more I think you're an idiot.
- Who was at the wrong place and time. - Really?
I don't picture you killing a poor guy. Not with an iron.
Thank you, sir. That's the first nice thing you said since I got here. Thank you.
Watch out! It's just an interrogation feeling, okay? It doesn't mean anything.
Well, you say I might be innocent. That's not a random thing to say.
No, because everything can change, you see? Where is my lighter?
It was right here. Did you see it?
Found it! It dropped from your table. I saw it on the ground, that's why.
Something stinks. Is that my lighter?
It stinks.
Yeah, it stinks. It stinks!
- It smells like braised pork. - Braised?
Smell it. It's not just me who smells it, right?
No, it smells like a lighter.
Excuse me.
No, I'm still in an interrogation. Don't worry about him.
He must have gone to the doctor. He was feeling sick. Don't cry.
No, I'll call you back. Listen, I'll call you back.
- What would happen if I died of hunger? - You think you're THAT hungry?
Yeah, I think so, I've been telling this story for a while.
There is nothing more beautiful than a city that sleeps.
That's why I chose this job. I love the night.
- Oh, come on... - The lights. It's calm. It's poetic.
Yes, but right now, I can't feel the poetry. I'm not feeling well.
Can we finish this interrogation quickly?
Let me tell you a story of mine.
One day, we decided to ride a helicopter. Like all
tourists do. But this time, the helicopter crashed.
The pilot died. My friend too. And I was alone.
Completely alone. In the middle of an island.
You didn't have the hole in your chest yet...
Yes... No... Wait, how do you know that?
I can see it. You don't have a hole, that's why.
- Wait. You can see my story? - Yes, I can see really well.
But... I can't see when you tell your story.
You're wearing a blue shirt. You seem tired. I can see the beach.
Incredible! Yes, everything you say is true.
I look tired because I didn't eat for 3 days. 3 days looking for food.
Do you know what it feels like to survive 3 days without food?
What happened next?
Next, I was found and saved. I ate. And I went back to France. End of the story.
Okay.
Just saying, you're not the only one who has been hungry.
Other people have been hungry, and sometimes in worse situations.
Okay, thanks for the lesson. But a situation like that also happened to me.
- Not as bad as that. - Yes, that bad. Maybe worse.
When I was a kid.
I'm listening. You have one minute.
I was spending my holiday at my uncle's home, in the south of France.
I was around seven. My uncle had a really cute dog that I loved.
He was always tied to his doghouse. So one day, I freed him.
I don't know why, but rather than catching him, I put the collar on myself.
I can't see your story. What did you look like?
Like any normal kid.
When my uncle saw that, he was mad. He left me there for a week.
Within two days, I ate all the food in the dog bowl.
Then, I was so hungry that I began to eat dirt.
So I know what it feels like to be really hungry.
Your story is made up.
Your's too. A desert island, that's completely fake.
You're right, I was making fun of you. As an apology, here is a gift.
- You're so nice! - I am not a monster, Fugain.
- You were hungry. - Can I open it?
Yes, it's for you.
- Yes? - Can I get my bucket?
- Your bucket? - I left it here after I finished cleaning.
I put it in the cupboard. Can I? It will not take long.
No problem. We were just taking a break.
Daniel, have you ever been very very very hungry before?
- Hungry? - Yes, like really hungry.
I was hungry lots of times.
Yes, sure. But I mean you were so hungry that you couldn't even do anything?
I don't know. It's a weird question.
We were telling stories about that. Do you have one to tell?
No, nothing comes to mind.
But, I will try to remember one for next time.
Here it is... See you.
He has Alzheimers. I was testing him to see if it's getting worse, that's why.
Are you alright? You look pale.
I just had a heat stroke for a second.
Let's continue. The coffee made me want to sleep. We paused at four round trips.
I'm bleeding. Maybe because of the oyster.
You don't eat an oyster like that.
I'm not used to eat rock meals.
Okay... Where were we?
When I went back, I saw that my door was open.
Finally some suspense, Fugain! Your story is really getting interesting now.
- Let me guess. A robbery? - I thought that too, but it wasn't.
When I saw the bed empty, I quickly understood.
My wife is a sleepwalker. She was going out
while I was fake smoking. It happens sometimes.
I really need to know what will happen to my
husband. It's stressing me out, that's why.
Listen, you really need to stop. It's not okay to talk in my memories.
- But I need to know! I am pregnant! - You will see it soon.
I put her back in the bed, without waking her. Then I turned off the lights.
Five round trips. We are getting close.
Your wife. She is a sleepwalker. Walking in the
night. That's the most exciting thing so far.
Continue. The sixth roundtrip.
Less interesting. I went to park my car better.
It was parked on an illegal spot. So I moved it.
Yes, it is not interesting at all.
Now, the seventh. The most important one. You have my attention, Fugain.
Okay. So I put on my pajamas and drank some milk.
I brushed my teeth.
And I went to bed.
Didn't the toothpaste taste weird after you drank the milk?
- No, not at all. - Continue.
It was really hot. I couldn't find a good position to sleep in.
Sorry to interrupt, but you said earlier that it was so cold you were fake smoking.
- Now it's hot? - I turned on the heater, that's why.
It might be a stupid question, but I asked to make sure that your story is coherent.
- And is it coherent to you? - Yes.
So that's when I heard a scream. Like an aggressive scream.
Yes, it's true. I heard it too.
You heard it? You don't see when I tell my story but you can hear it?
Well, I am in your memories. I can hear and see.
- So you see me when I do this? - Yes. Come on, be serious.
- Okay. - Continue, Fugain.
- I heard another scream. More violent. - Yes, so?
So I went outside to see what happened. I
took something to defend myself just in case.
- An iron? - Yes, I could only find that.
- I put on a jacket and went outside. - With the iron?
You go out of your building.
And you find Chevalet's body, in his blood. In front
of your building. In the middle of the street.
- Yes, precisely. - Okay. Continue.
As I said earlier, first I searched for his I.D. in his wallet.
- Okay. - I put my hand in his pocket.
I found his wallet. I found his I.D., name,...
- And then you called the cops? - Yes.
- Do it. - Right now, for real?
Yes, well it's not for real, since we're in your memories. Go ahead.
- It rang. - What time was it?
I don't rememb...-Hello? Yes, thank you for answering so fast.
I am calling you because there is a dead body in front of my building.
Yes, there is blood everywhere.
I've never seen a dead guy before, But I can tell you this one is dead.
No, I am innocent.
I have his I.D. if it helps. I can tell you his name.
Okay. Okay.
- It wasn't the same operator. - You didn't give the address.
No, because he hung up earlier. But when it really happened, I said the address.
- Okay, and then you went back to sleep? - Yes.
I thought: "Should I stay here, next to the body? Or should
I go to sleep?" I was tired so I went back to sleep.
You called the cops... And you left the crime scene to go to sleep.
Yes, I was tired. And he was dead. So I felt unuseful.
My wife could sleepwalk again, and it was getting cold. So I went back.
You were so tired that you forgot your iron.
Yes, I admit it, it wasn't very clever of me...
In my defense, it's not a normal thing you take when you go out. It makes sense I forgot it.
I understand. But you would admit that leaving an iron next to
a dead body with a broken skull, it's pretty confusing, right?
Yes. I admit it.
So I went back to bed. Next to my wife who was still sleeping.
Later, I heard the ambulance.
Then, I don't remember. I was sleeping, I guess.
Are you here? Am I speaking alone?
Sir?
Did you go? Am I alone?
Sir?
- I am here. - Sorry.
- I'm tired, that's why. - We are coming to an end!
- Yes. Can I go home now? - No.
- Why? - I changed my mind.
About what?
I listened to your story, Fugain. It's well tied.
But my police instinct says that it's too well tied. I am not convinced.
"Too well tied"? You're kidding, right?
Moreover, you're using the expression wrong. We say "tied" about meat.
You're still my main suspect. Let's do it again.
Come on. From the beginning?!
- Yes. - Is it because of the iron?
The iron but also other minor details. - Yes?
Champonin! We don't see you a lot around here...
I have something for you, that's why.
Autopsy report.
I read all of it. It took me 2 hours 45 minutes.
It's surprising. You'll like it.
The body found in parts in a cement mixer?
No, Chevalet's death.
I'm in charge of that case. Why did you read my autopsy report?
Because I liked it, that's why.
I found it, I was curious. I couldn't stop reading.
Listen to me. I will save you some time.
The clinician is 100% sure: Chevalet wasn't murdered.
He died from a digestive hemorrhage. The blood on the floor. He puked it.
The broken skull, it was due to his fall.
There you go! Thank you! You see?
Calm down, Fugain. - a digestive what?
A digestive hemorrhage. Let me summarise that for you.
Chevalet walks down the street. And all of a sudden, his belly explodes.
Everything is destroyed inside! Pancreas, intestines, liver...
Everything! The pressure made it all blow up.
Chevalet puked 3 liters (≈101 fl oz) of blood. In a row! Like a fountain.
That's horrible!
Yes, it is. So his puke is all over the street.
And because he's walking, he slips on his own blood.
Bang! He falls and breaks his skull.
- He dies instantly, end of the story. - Yes, end of the story.
Holy shit... You're pranking me, right?!
No, just read it. All the details are here.
So it means I am free, right?
You should go to sleep, bud. You need some rest.
Right?
- I am free, right? - Yes, but...
How is it possible to explode from inside?
Well my story is "tied" now...
- I was trusting my cop instinct. Sorry. - Hey! Look at that.
- What is it? - It was on the ground.
- What is it? - An eye.
- An eye? - Yes, it looks like Philippe's eye.
- My Philippe? - Yes, the same colour.
I'm pretty sure it's his. Same absent look.
- What? - Interesting, Fugain.
Okay, I can explain...
- Come! - I'm innocent, right?
We don't care. It's a hit! Come here!
It's a hit!
So the scene begins, we say our lines-
- And then I see him, eating the hot dog for real.
That's gross!
And it causes a huge blank space, cause he's eating.
Must be annoying!
I prefer to eat well. So I can stay in character.
Yes, and we all noticed that the only time you're good, is when you eat.
You should eat hot dogs during the whole show.
How would you do it? Do you pretend to eat it?
Yes, because the public is too far away to see it.
People in the front row can see it well.
No, the public is too far from the stage.
I have a technique.
I bite just a piece and I quickly spit it.
And I throw it on the ground. So people think I'm eating.
It takes the same amount of time as real eating.
No.
It helps you say your line with your mouth empty.
And you don't lose time chewing. You don't break the rhythm.
- Did I break the rhythm? - I felt less concentrated for a bit.
And there is also the risk of burping.
Yes, if you eat while on stage. You might burp.
And nobody wants to burp on stage.
Bruno Lazare was here tonight. He liked half of the show.
The Figarock critic? He is a really big critic.
He hates everything.
I hope he likes the half part that I'm in.
What does he say?
Nothing, "Keep An Eye Out" is half great while the other half is weak.
What an asshole! Everything is weak AND great in this show. That's why it's great.
How can he cut it in half? Where is the middle according to him?
Chill out. It's just the Figarock. If they talk about us, it'll make the show popular.
He said it's great. Everybody will remember that.
Great! Let's cheer to that!
- Cheers! - Cheers to Figarock!
- Cheers to Lazare! - Cheers!
I just wanted to say that it was a pleasure for me to be with you tonight.
Even if I was hungry during the whole show. It wasn't easy...
I didn't know that I was acting.
Now that I think about it...
I know... I will never forget this moment.
So thank you, because... Thank you.
- See you! - See you!
See you!
See you.
Good bye!
- I don't know what to say. - Then say nothing.
Well... Good bye.
- And thank you. It was amazing. - No, Fugain, I am sorry but no.
No thank you. Because tomorrow we will continue. Now,
you should get some sleep at the police station.
- Take him away. - What?!
What about the play? And the comedians?
Get some sleep, Fugain!
Subs by: u/Lamasticote Errors fixed by Baycun
Stay after the credits